John Hamner:
(To his dog)
Hey, what’s with you?
Jogger:
Hi.
John Hamner:
Come on, will you? I ain’t got all night, you know… What the…
The Werewolf:
Rrrrghhhhhh!
John Hamner:
No! Stay back! Keep away from me!
Batman:
If it’s a fight you’re looking for, try starting one with me. The masquerade party’s over, hairy… Well, Mr. John … Hamner. You’re a very lucky fella.
G.C.P.D Precinct
Jim Gordon:
Helen, get me–
Batman:
We need to talk.
Jim Gordon:
I wish you’d stop doing that.
Batman:
Just tangled with a mugger in a werewolf mask. I tried to stop him, and he threw a guy off a bridge. Mean anything to you?
Jim Gordon:
“A werewolf mask”? Let’s take a look… Only thing that even comes close is two Alaskan timber wolves stolen from the city zoo last Friday.
Batman:
The victim’s name was John Hamner. From his uniform, I’d say he works for the zoo. I doubt it’s a coincidence.
Jim Gordon:
I’ll get Bullock on it. Helen, get me Harvey Bullock. Yeah, ASAP.
Batman:
Hmm.
Jim Gordon:
Something wrong, Batman?
Batman:
Just had a disturbing thought, that’s all. What if that guy wasn’t wearing a mask?
Gotham Coliseum Construction Site
The Werewolf:
Grrrrr!!!
Professor Achilles Milo:
Just under the wire. Please, spare me the melodrama. In precisely seven seconds, all your fearsome growling won’t mean a blessed thing.
The Werewolf:
Ahoooooooo!
Professor Achilles Milo:
There, all better. Easy. Easy. It’ll all be over soon. Now that you’ve taken care of Hamner.
Anthony Romulus:
No. The Batman interfered.
Professor Achilles Milo:
Him again? Obviously, something will have to be done about him. Won’t it, my friend?
Reporter:
And here are today’s headlines. Former Olympic champion Anthony Romulus announced in a letter in today’s Gotham Globe that he would double his million-dollar pledge to a local charity if Batman appears at his home this evening to receive the check.
G.H.C
Bruce Wayne:
Haven’t seen you around here lately, Tony.
Anthony Romulus:
Been busy, Bruce. Trying to find a new tax shelter or two.
Andrea:
Then you’re serious about that ad in the paper, Tony?
Anthony Romulus:
Dead serious. I’ll give $2.5 million to the Gotham United Fund provided the Batman comes to the house personally to pick up the check.
Andrea:
Why him? Looking for someone to arm-wrestle?
Anthony Romulus:
Let’s just say I’ve always wanted to check out Gotham’s second-best athlete firsthand.
Batcave
Documentary Narrator:
The Alaskan timber wolf hunts in pairs or in packs, contrary to the way this predator is commonly depicted in wildlife adventure films.
Alfred Pennyworth:
Thinking of acquiring a new pet, Master Bruce?
Batman:
No, Alfred. Just searching for some connection between Hamner, those stolen wolves, and that hairy weirdo. The hairs check out as genuine wolf hair. But it could mean only that shaggy was wearing an extremely fancy mask. I’ve come at this problem from a dozen directions. But they all lead to the same dead end.
Alfred Pennyworth:
Well, then, might I suggest, sir, that it’s time to get a new map.
Batman:
Or time to stop spinning my wheels, at least. I have other business tonight.
Alfred Pennyworth:
Hmm! You’re welcome.
The Romulus Estate
Anthony Romulus:
Batman.
Batman:
I hear you have something for me, Mr. Romulus.
Anthony Romulus:
I’ve been expecting you. Please, make yourself comfortable. I’ll write you a check. Would you care for something to drink?
Batman:
No, thank you. Can we just get on with it? …Is it getting hot in here?
Anthony Romulus:
“Hot”? Why, no, I don’t believe so.
Batman:
It is hot. And there’s something wrong with the air in here. It’s… Of course. Gas… Don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but you’re not going to…
Professor Achilles Milo:
I’m sorry, Batman. But you really should’ve taken the doctored drink.
Sebast Construction
Professor Achilles Milo:
Sounds like there’s quite a nasty storm brewing, my friend.
Anthony Romulus:
I hope so, Milo. The rain will make me feel cleaner after what we just did.
Professor Achilles Milo:
And I hope he awakens before moonrise. I want him to see the end coming.
Anthony Romulus:
An end you expect me to deliver. Milo, you’re a worse animal than anything I turn into.
Professor Achilles Milo:
But I’m the animal who holds the key to your salvation. Don’t ever forget that. Now, why don’t I pour you a cup of tea, Anthony? You’ll feel better.
Anthony Romulus:
In a pig’s eye, Milo. There’s only one thing I want from you.
Professor Achilles Milo:
The antidote? Certainly. When you’ve earned it.
Anthony Romulus:
As if I haven’t suffered enough?
Professor Achilles Milo:
You know what they say, Anthony. No pain, no gain. But you know that far better than I. What with all that training you did to compete in the Autumn Games. But that wasn’t good enough for you, was it? No. You wanted something that would guarantee a gold medal. And I gave it to you.
Flashback
Professor Achilles Milo:
Steroids, Mr. Romulus? No, too easily detectable. But there is this. A special steroid derivative I’ve been working on. Undetectable and unbeatable. One thing you should know. This serum contains both steroids and timber wolf estrogen. All designed to heighten one’s physical attributes to their utmost. Unfortunately, it still requires testing… Hey-
Anthony Romulus:
Too late, Professor. The power is mine now.
Professor Achilles Milo:
Then all that remains is to discuss my fee.
Professor Achilles Milo:
And you got your money’s worth, didn’t you, my friend? Oh, yes, your money’s worth and more. Using your newfound fame to earn a fortune. Public appearances. Commercial endorsements. And that only made your terrible selfishness all the more reprehensible.
Anthony Romulus:
Why should I give you a dime? It was my own sweat that got me this far, Milo. And I intend to go the rest of the way alone.
Professor Achilles Milo:
Ah!
Professor Achilles Milo:
Now, there was a decision you’ve lived to regret, wasn’t it?
Professor Achilles Milo:
The effects can’t be reversed.
Anthony Romulus:
What?
Professor Achilles Milo:
I said “reversed,” Anthony. I can’t reverse the process. But I can complete it. What you’re suffering from, my friend, is an early stage of lycanthropy. More commonly known as “werewolf ism.” For that, I have no treatment. However, advanced werewolf ism can be cured.
Anthony Romulus:
What did you do to me? … The pain! The pain!
Professor Achilles Milo:
And if you ever wish it to go away, Anthony, from this moment forward, you will do precisely what I tell you.
Anthony Romulus:
I won’t let you trick me again, Milo. Now, give me that antidote! Please, just a taste.
Professor Achilles Milo:
No, not a drop. I want all the creature's savagery unleashed on the Batman.
Gotham Zoo
Harvey Bullock:
You Hamner? John Hamner? Bullock, Gotham PD.
John Hamner:
What do you want?
Harvey Bullock:
About them two wolves somebody boosted. There was no sign of forced entry here, you know. So I’m figuring somebody must have unlocked the cages, and looked the other way. I’ve been checking you out, Hamner. Seems last week, your bank account suddenly got bigger by a few grand. So, what’s the story? I want the truth before I decide to feed you to your furry friends here.
John Hamner:
All right, all right. You got it. The guy tells me to open the locks. Next morning, the wolves are gone.
Harvey Bullock:
What guy?
John Hamner:
I don’t know. I never saw him, he calls me. Pays me off by courier. For all I know, he could be you.
Harvey Bullock:
You got that wrong, pally. I’m the guy taking you in.
Anthony Romulus:
You fool! There’s no telling what the werewolf might do.
Professor Achilles Milo:
Hey, ask me if I care.
The Werewolf:
Ahhhhh-whooooo!!!
Professor Achilles Milo:
Now go. Your victim is waiting. Go, Anth… Anthony, what… What are you doing? Anthony, please! Let’s talk about this. We can… Ahhh!!! No!
Norman:
Honey, did you hear that?
Civilian:
It’s only the wind, Norman.
Norman:
Come on, we gotta call 911.
Batman:
Do me a favor, shaggy. Stay down! … Guess not. I’m obviously no match for you down here. So let’s take this to higher ground.
Cop:
What’s that?
Harvey Bullock:
Hold your fire till I give the word.
Batman:
Your move, hairy.
Cop:
There.
Harvey Bullock:
I said, no shooting. Let him handle this. For now.
Professor Achilles Milo:
You know, my friend, I’m innocent. They’ll never convict me of a thing.
Jim Gordon:
Don’t bet on it.
Harvey Bullock:
No trace of Wolfie. We checked the shoreline for miles. But in four weeks, there’s another full moon. Then we’ll know for sure.
The Romulus Estate
Real Estate Agent:
Isn’t it just to die for? Wait till you see the gym. You’ll plotz.
Civilian #2:
Oh, right. This place used to belong to Anthony Romulus, didn’t it? So why’d he wanna move?
Real Estate Agent:
Oh but he didn’t. They say he just left town one day. The house is being sold to pay off his creditors.
Civilian #2:
Any idea what happened to him?
Real Estate Agent:
No, nobody really knows. Strange, ain’t it?
Civilian #2:
Yeah. A guy who’s got just about everything. And he gives it all up?
The Werewolf:
Awhooooo!!!
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